Friday, November 17, 2017

Links

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Computer acronyms
OK, so they're not that humorous (unless you're a geek,) and aren't really related to dogs or SAR, but they might prove to be usefull to you, nonetheless.)

Think about it

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Did you hear the one about the insomniac, agnostic, and dyslexic who stayed up nights wondering if there really was a dog?
— Unknown

Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.
— Unknown

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
— Unknown

To a dog the whole world is a smell.
— Unknown

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
— Roger Caras

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
— Unknown

In dog years, I'm dead.
— Unknown

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
— Edward Abbey

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
— Holbrook Jackson

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
— Unknown

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks.
— John Rooney

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
— Abraham Lincoln

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
  

Can cold water clean dishes?

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From Linda Promaulayko, on the Vizsla list (vtalk@smartgroups.com)

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes..... so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, Go lay down!"

Click here to see how a dishwasher works, courtesy of Julie Swain.


The Four Types of Dog Vomit

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YELLOW URKA-GURKAS:
Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged "uuuurka-guuurka, uuuka-guuurka" noise. (This noise is the only thing guaranteed to wake up a true dog lover who is hungover from a post dog show celebration at 3:30 AM) After mad scrambling to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an indelible ten yard long line of slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.

BLAP DISEASE:
Dog exercises hard and (a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (Winter Blap
Disease) or (b) drinks a bucket of water (Summer Blap Disease). Within two minutes of returning inside the dog spews out large amounts of clear slimy liquid while making a distinctive "blap" sound and sharp percussive noise as it hits the linoleum.

GARKS:
Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic "ggaark, ggark" noises, generally followed by prolonged "iiikssss" and then loud satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don't ask, you don't want to know.

RALFS:
Appropos of nothing, the dog strolls into the dining room and waits until the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then with a single deep gut-wrenching "raaalff" he disgorges the entire week's contents of his stomach on the dining room rug.
VARIATION:
Then he eats it.

In all the above events, the dog is entirely healthy and indeed deeply pleased with himself.

Poignant quotes

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The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
— Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
— Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
— Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
— Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
— Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
— Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
— M. Facklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
—Sigmund Freud

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
— Penny Ward Moser

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
— Robert Benchley

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
— Rita Rudner

Dogs need to sniff the ground. It's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.
— Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
— Franklin P. Jones

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3 a can. That's almost $21 in dog money.
— Joe Weinstein

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
— Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
— Robert A. Heinlein

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
— Phil Pastoret

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater… suggest that he wear a tail.
— Fran Lebowitz

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
— Sue Murphy

A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you will not enjoy it.
— Helen Thomson

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
— Rita Rudner

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
— Samuel Butler

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
— Warren G. Bennis
  
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